I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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