I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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