I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
