I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
