I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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