1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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