PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my being single is dangerous.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
