I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
