They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
