I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
