I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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