I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
