i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
