Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
