You're so nebulous sometimes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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