so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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