so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
