shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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