I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"