I just threw up on my dentist
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."