my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian