In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good