I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.