I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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