Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's official drugs can't kill me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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