I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize