For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
