You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The air taste purple.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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