I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
