I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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