I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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