i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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