kristin has been a bad kristin
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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