I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
