Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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