I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
