you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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