I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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