she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
