what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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