I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
