it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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