My nipple is on Facebook.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
