I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
