i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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