Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...