ya dads aren't the best wingmen
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.