he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.