Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high

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(310): I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high http://tfl.nu/hr6z

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(434): View more from Virginia

well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard

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(434): well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard http://tfl.nu/45qa

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...

(716): View more from New York

what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?

(617): View more from Massachusetts

self-loathing.

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(617): omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night... (716): what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk? (617): self-loathing. http://tfl.nu/qojo

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(513): View more from Ohio

Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.

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(513): Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies. http://tfl.nu/w2rz

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(209): View more from California

it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits

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(209): it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits http://tfl.nu/hc25

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(360): View more from Washington

my secret santa just gave me a pregency test

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(360): my secret santa just gave me a pregency test http://tfl.nu/rgpa

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(410): View more from Maryland

He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

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(410): He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week. http://tfl.nu/7fuh

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(310): View more from California

how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.

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(310): how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year. http://tfl.nu/ig11

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(203): View more from Connecticut

So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?

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(203): So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu. (603): You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use? http://tfl.nu/ks5w

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.

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(832): My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over. http://tfl.nu/z5ao

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(308): View more from Nebraska

I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him

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(308): I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him http://tfl.nu/5d11

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text

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(303): Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text http://tfl.nu/3l29

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(931): View more from Tennessee

his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood

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(931): his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood http://tfl.nu/n403

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(682): View more from Texas

Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"

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(682): Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this" http://tfl.nu/tpaw

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(353): View more from

I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!

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(353): I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?! http://tfl.nu/o40o

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