you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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