I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
