So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
