i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
