i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
