im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
