Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
