remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
