they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
