you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
