I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
