So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
