HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
