Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
