What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
