Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
