I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
