I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
