I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
