Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
