just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
