I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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