Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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