the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
