All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
