i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
