When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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