I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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