She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you are never too drunk for berry picking
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
