My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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