Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
