guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
