I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
