Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
