I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
