Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
