My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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